Weeping Inside

There’s a smile on my face but it doesn’t go deep
For where no one can see I weep and weep.

My heart is so broken I’m afraid it won’t heal
I never imagined this is how I would feel.
When the love in my life was taken away
Leaving me alone to face each new day.

The days are so empty; the nights are so long
I’m not even sure where I belong.
For so long we were joined; did all things together
Never thought of the time when our bond would be severed.

Today I’m left questioning myself
Were we wrong to love so much
Letting our lives be so entwined
Were we, for each other, a crutch?

As all these thoughts bombard my mind
Logic tells me my thinking’s not right
For love as strong as the love we had
Made every day of our lives a delight.

Our love for each other, so deep and strong
I still hold secure in my heart
Along with all the memories we made
Before, prematurely, we were torn apart.

True love is always much stronger than death
A concept I always will treasure
So I’ll continue to love, receive love too
In all its fullness, measure for measure.

The conclusion to my ponderings on love is this
That although we are now separated
The love we had is still carrying on
Will endure till we’re reunited.

Ruth Jessup

Entering Rest

The present is clouded by disappointments
The past is tinted rose
The future is very important
Yet what it holds no one knows.

The past for me holds great happiness
The present difficult loneliness
What happens in the future, I can but guess
So I need to rely on God’s faithfulness.

I have found Him faithful in the past
In the present, now that I’m on my own,
I lean on Him, look to Him for help
I am certain He won’t leave me alone.

Today I want to experience the rest
Which Jesus secured for me
Entering in behind the veil
I find eternal security.

Hebrews 4:1-11

Ruth Jessup

Depressing Dysfunction

I feel like a nobody
Of no consequence
Life is so meaningless
I really feel deeply depressed.

Why am I in this pit again?
Is the question I ask myself
When I have so much to make me glad
A home, food, family and wealth.

Is it because someone isn’t here
Walking with me by my side
Helping me overcome problems and pain
That I’m swimming against the tide?

Yes, I think this is probably the reason
Because half of me has gone
And I’m only functioning now in part
Doing everything alone.

Ruth Jessup

The Strand of Love

I have only recently come to realise
Not only did I lose my husband when he died
But I lost the person I could follow
And who I am today is only a shadow
Of what I was as a wife.

My chest thickens
My eyes fill
My voice chokes on his name
Death is so final
Really horrible
What devastation it brings.

In truth I did not lose my husband
Lost persons can sometimes be found
I cannot find him
He died
Gone forever
I am the one who’s bereft
Lost without him.

Love is a fragile, strong strand
That passes through death’s doorway
And that  love strand reaches me today
Supports me as I continue my way
Because he only took with him
What he had so freely given away
His love.

Ruth Jessup

Existing or Living?

Am I just existing
Or living my life
Now I’m a widow
No longer a wife?
For so many years
I was half of two
Now I’m alone
What do I do?

Always holding
Memories tight
I walk from the dark
Into the light
Learning to be
A new single me
It’s hard to do
But I know you
Would want me
To carry on and be
The person I was
When you first met me
So with a reset mind
And courage of heart
I’ll endeavor to make a fresh new start
Living every day
With integrity
Keep myself true
To your memory.

Ruth Jessup